i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
