I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have aggressive nipples.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
