Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
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How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I deserve this hangover.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize