I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
