I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
