woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
