idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
