Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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