blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
