Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
