Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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