She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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