we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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