what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
