Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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