The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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