That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
