She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
