No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
