Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
