seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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