He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
