Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
