I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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