i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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