Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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