the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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