My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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