Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
