why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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