yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
