hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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