Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
