Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
