she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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