I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
