It's Friday. Sex?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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