At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
