I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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