he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
