Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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