when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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