Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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