I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I need to calm my uterus...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
