So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
