I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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