And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
