So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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