Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
