WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
