Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
