he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
