You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
