Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
