she kept yelling 'call me bella'
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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