she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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